There is a common saying doing the rounds on the internet these days. It pops up every time success is being discussed, usually in regards to dating, but I’ve seen it being used in other contexts as well. Anyway, the saying goes like this: “1. Be attractive, 2. Don’t be unattractive” It is not wrong to say that being attractive is very important, our attractiveness influences all facets of our lives that are influenced by our relationship to other people. Many would say that this places ugly people at a disadvantage, but it isn’t really true. It might be harder for ugly people to be attractive, but it is not impossible. Here is how:
Before we talk about how to be attractive, we must first understand what it means to be attractive. From a quick Google search we get the following definition for attractive:
- (of a thing) pleasing or appealing to the senses.
- (of a person) appealing to look at; sexually alluring.
- (of a thing) having beneficial qualities or features that induce someone to accept what is being offered.
I like this definition, because it does allow for ugly to be (or at least become) attractive. With some work any person can become appealing to look at and sexually alluring. Any person can have beneficial qualities or features that induces people to accept their company. So to become attractive, you must become someone who people want to spend time with.
Start on the Outside
In most self-improvement topics I would suggest that you start working on the inside (i.e. your beliefs, thoughts, questions etc.). There really is some value to this, as the things that you change inside you will propagate to lasting change outside (i.e. the physical world, your actions, how people see you, financial and social rewards etc.). However, when it comes to attraction, it is better to start on the outside, on being physically attractive, for two reasons:
- The things you do to take care of your looks affects how you feel about yourself a.k.a. the inside.
- The things you do to change on the outside will have effects sooner and motivate you to change more both inside and outside.
In the spirit of starting on the outside I will shortly discuss a few shallow ways to come across as more attractive. It is wise to take these seriously, even though they are shallow. When you work on these shallow things, you will soon realise that they have deep reaching consequences. Also, don’t treat this guide as a step by step guide. Try to tackle as much of these items at the same time. You know yourself best, so you know how much change you can handle.
Take Care of Your Looks
This comes down to hygiene, grooming and smartening up. If you want to be more attractive, you must spend some time to make yourself more presentable each morning. That means, washing your face at the very least. It is also a good idea to shave or trim your beard (this hopefully only applies to men), making sure your hair is looking good, making sure your clothes are clean etc. The more immaculate you are at taking care of yourself in these small ways, the better. It is painfully obvious when someone didn’t do their morning grooming and now looks like something the cat dragged in. When you this, you will notice that it also becomes easier to love yourself, as we humans tend to love the things we spend time on.
It is also a good idea to work on your style. I’m not saying you should be wearing suits or the “my dad is a lawyer” outfit all the time. Find a style that fits you, and go with that style. You can be a stylish nerd, a stylish jock, a stylish metal-head, or a stylish hippy… Whatever floats your boat. You can even be stylish and not fit into any stereotype. Experiment with different option, find what works for you, and go with that flow.
Diet and Excercise
Have a healthy lifestyle. I shouldn’t have to explain this one. It is good to be flexible and fun, have pizza or a braai with your friends on the weekends. It is also very important in today’s world to watch what you eat. It is not about losing weight, it is about having a healthy body. A perfect body is obviously the most attractive, but a fat person with a healthy lifestyle is definitely more attractive than someone who just let themselves go.
If you have desk job, make sure to get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. It doesn’t have to be formal exercise (i.e. going to the gym or following a exercise program) and doesn’t have to be all in one go. If you play with your dog for 10 minutes and do some gardening for 20… well done! You have done your 30 minutes. So you have no excuse about not having enough time, everybody has enough time. I find the Angry Birds workout plan to be perfect for busy people that are on the move all the time. Also note that I said “at least 30 minutes.” The more effort you put into fitness, the more attractive you will become.
Smiling often is a sure-fire way to be more attractive. Smile as often as possible and as genuinely as possible, this is easier if you work on having a more positive outlook on life. If your outlook on life is negative, try discussing it with your favourite life coach.
Confidence is a very important key in being attractive. I very seldom meet an attractive person that acts nervous. Luckily, confidence is one of those unique cases where “fake it till you make it” actually works. You can seem genuine while you fake confidence. Fake confidence enough, and it will lead to some actual confidence. Here are some tips on how to fake confidence:
- Have good posture.
- Make yourself big with your body language.
- Make eye contact with people.
- Move and talk slowly and smoothly. If your movement or speaking is fast or erratic, you will seem nervous.
- Speak with your outside voice, and make sure to articulate your words well.
Acting confident is not that hard, I’ve seen people with very low self-esteem pull this off. If they can do it, so can you.
Work on the Inside
Most people will become more attractive if they do the shallow things I mentioned this far, some people might even become absolute people magnets this way. However, there is a lot of work you can do on a mental level that is either necessary or will propel you to even higher levels of attraction. There’s a lot but here’s a few suggestions.
People like people who like themselves. I’m not saying that you should think the sun will stop shining if you sit down. You can be aware of your flaws and still love yourself. We have a tendency to hate ourselves for our flaws, but not only is this very unhealthy, it is also VERY unattractive. If you struggle to look past your flaws, a life coach might be able to help.
Be a Good Person
A truer cliché than this has never been said: “To get respect you must give respect.” This is a very important part of being attractive, looking down on others can be very unattractive, especially for those people you look down upon. Some people can gain attractiveness by looking down on others, but it is usually a very short-lived and destructive kind of attraction. Respect others like they are your equals (even if they are somehow “below” you) and people will like you for it.
This sounds a little like those people who say “cheer up” when the hear that someone is depressed. However, it is possible for someone to become more confident by just trying. If you are struggling with confidence, you have something that hiring a life coach will be excellent for.
Be Your Best Self
“Be Yourself” is an old cliché, and a lot of people abuse it to justify their self-defeating behavior. It is very important to be yourself, because most people can see right through try-hards, and that is very unattractive. BUT, it is also very important to keep on improving yourself. If you continuously strive to be a better person, you will become your best self, which will be a very attractive person indeed.
Some More Quick Tips
- Help others succeed.
- Be the best at what you do.
- Have a clear vision of where or what you want to be. Work at that vision.
- Build up reserves: financially, emotionally and spiritually. Needy people are unattractive.
- Be flexible, learn to think on your feet.
- Be positive, say only positive things to others, complain as little as possible.
- Keep raising your own standards, slowly but surely.
- Don’t push to hard.
Anybody Can be Attractive
So there you have it. All the advice I can give about being attractive in a (fairly big) nutshell. If you focus on becoming attractive for a while, you will definitely improve in the attraction department. Most of these things can become habits over time, so after a while you won’t even have to focus on being attractive to be attractive.